Have you ever met someone who had a harsh tone?
Even when they were trying to be kind or apologise, they came across as abrupt or uncaring.
Our instinct is often to assume intent.
We think they meant to sound that way. That they wanted to be sharp. That they didn’t care.
But in communication, two critical elements are always at play:
- Clarity of information
- Tone of delivery
Clarity signals that you care about the task or the project being completed with excellence.
Tone signals that you care about the person receiving the message.
Both matter. But tone often matters more.
Intent vs. Impact
When we communicate, we’re usually focused on what we’re saying — not how we’re saying it.
We prioritise the content over the audience.
Yet leadership communication requires us to focus on the listener. Whether it’s one person or a thousand.
Your intent and how your message is perceived are two very different things.
The information you want to share may be important.
But the tone in which you communicate that information is even more important.
Practical Steps to Ensure Your Tone Is On Point
1. Focus Fully on the Person in Front of You
Put down the phone.
Turn off the computer screen.
Be fully present.
Trying to multitask during a conversation often leads to unintended tone. When you’re present, you can read body language. You can hear changes in volume. You can sense shifts in emotion.
Presence allows you to understand — not just respond.
Focus on the other person.
2. Be Aware of Your Emotions
Conversations can shift from calm to heated in seconds.
Even when there’s disagreement, your emotions do not need to make an appearance in your tone or volume.
Emotional tone can cause defensiveness. Defensiveness can escalate conflict.
Be the one who remains steady.
When you’re calm, you’re in control of the conversation.
If you feel yourself becoming emotional, ask to take a break. Regain composure before your tone communicates something you may regret.
3. Plan the Conversation
If possible, prepare in advance.
Outline what you want to say before the meeting. When you’re scrambling for words in the moment, you often lose awareness of how those words are landing.
Preparation gives you space to think about both content and delivery.
It also communicates respect. It shows the other person that you valued the conversation enough to think it through beforehand.
Plan the conversation.
Ask for Honest Feedback
Tone is not always self-diagnosed accurately.
Ask trusted peers how your tone comes across during meetings. Understanding how you are perceived allows you to grow as a leader and communicator.
It also makes you more approachable.
When people feel safe, candor grows. And when candor grows, organisations become stronger.
Tone Is a Leadership Skill
Clarity demonstrates competence.
Tone demonstrates care.
Great leaders balance both.
Because excellence in communication is not just about being understood —
it’s about making others feel understood.
Your tone matters.
Creating Unparalleled Experiences,
Chris Adams
